is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
