Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
