Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
