just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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