its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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