Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
