I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
