I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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