Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
