honey bunches of taint.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
