Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
