You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
PANTIES FOUND
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