forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
last night I used snow as a chaser
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
