I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize