last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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