let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
