i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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