You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
