Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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