So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
