so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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