lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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