Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
