his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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