I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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