He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
