"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
