I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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