Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
