Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
