Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
