Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Everyone says I win the strip club
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
