Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
