I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
