doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
