Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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