do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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