grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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