Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
