So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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