You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
