and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
