Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
