Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
