She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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