I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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