He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
