singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
