omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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