dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
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