I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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