five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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