I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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