bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize