Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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