So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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