some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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