i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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