I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
