She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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