I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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