How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
soo... how was my night?
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