If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
