U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
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Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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