the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
