Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
