it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
