Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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