Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it's like heaven, but drunker
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
