The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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