apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
