All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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